Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A New ICD-9 Diagnosis

One of my classmates on the surgery rotation and I were talking the other day about surgery, and out of nowhere he says "I don't know what it is about the OR, but I always come screaming outta there because I've got wicked gas EVERY TIME."

Me: "DUDE! Me, too! I thought I was the only one!"

Big Med Student Guy: "It's worst on your call nights, about 2 am, the OR flatus hits."

Me: *snicker* "I wonder if it's bowel stasis? I always try to leave the OR and find an empty room to, uh, stand in."

BMSG: "It happens to everyone. Ask the residents. Everyone gets OR flatus."

Me: *nearly passes out laughing*

(I've pointed out previously that I am about 4 years old, and that Kevin Smith's axiom always holds true: all the money is in dick and fart jokes.)

So look out for the next publication of ICD codes, under GI disorders: OR flatus.

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I have been meaning to write that for weeks. My last call night, this cute anesthesiologist (attending, even, not a resident!) was supervising the nurse anesthetist while she intubated the patient. It was about 4 am, and we were prepping our 3rd butt pus patient. My fellow med student was watching the intubation as well, so they were clustered at the head of the patient's bed. As the cute anesthesiologist guy was bent over the patient, I heard an unmistakable *thhhbbbppptthhhh-squeeeeee* sound. As it was 4 am, and I'd been falling asleep for the past 3 hours, I thought I'd imagined it. No one else said anything; (for once) I knew it hadn't been me; but SURELY it wasn't cute anesthesiologist man! As the intubation continued, the noise came again, that strange combination of *ttthhhhhbbbbpppphhttthhhhhh* and a high-pitched *squeeeeeeeeeeak!*. This time, it came twice in rapid succession, and I KNEW I hadn't imagined it--cute anesthesiologist guy had just farted, loudly, and hadn't even flinched. At 4 am, this was fucking hilarious! The nurse anesthetist looked up at the 2nd one, and at the 3rd she made eye contact with my fellow med student, pointed with her head at the anesthesiologist, and raised her eyebrows. Thank goodness for those facial expression-hiding, ass gas smell-filtering OR masks.

Those two stories were a lot funnier in my head than they came out. Oh well. Farts are funny.

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So married life continues to be about the same as "living together in sin prior to being married" life. We went to the mall the other day, and as usual my massive iced tea consumption caught up to me, so we had to consult the map to locate the nearest restroom. After I was finished, I came out to find him waiting patiently for me. I kissed him and said "I hope you get used to that. The rest of your life is going to be spent waiting for me to get out of the restroom." He just said "I'm already used to it. I have a mom and a sister." True, but I just wanted to be SURE that he knew what he was getting into.

I married a very, very sweet man.

2 comments:

nibbler said...

my first date was at the gallaria and the same thing happened (full bladder, not gas), but without the cute 'get used to it' talk

frectis said...

OMG, I love the gas part! Here's my midwives with gas story: I told her I was going to write about this.

I like your blog! :)