And the Winner is...

I'm currently on my urology rotation, and I've had several signs that this is not for me.

a) I get really irritated when guys come into clinic and act like total wusses about itty bitty stuff just because it happens to involve their genitals. Dude, it's just a cystoscope. It's not that big, and it'll only last a minute. Have you seen the speculums (speculii?) they use on female pelvic exams? IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL, YOU FREAKING WUSS.

b) Prostate exams.

c) Feeling like I have to apologize for spending extra time with a patient who was just told his prostate biopsy came back positive for cancer with a Gleason 9.

d) Trying to fake a smile for the patient every time my attending reaches down for a prostate exam and says "This is our most popular exam." Once, he even told the Spanish translator to translate this phrase into Spanish for the patient.

e) Hearing my second year resident recount his experiences with q3 call as a general surgery intern.

f) Getting bored in clinic, because I've already learned the majority of the questions to ask the patients. Kidney stone patient? BPH patient? Prostate cancer patient? Urinary incontinence patient with suprapubic tube change? Hematuria? Got it. I can even do it in espanol.

And last, but not least,

f) Standing in the OR during a NASTY open total nephrectomy for XGP, my inner monologue went something like this: "I'm tired I'm hungry my back really freaking hurts I can't see anything I sure hope this attending doesn't yell at me I hope the scrub tech doesn't see me leaning on the patient because I think my back is going to give out oh god my hips just popped again and I think I'm suffocating behind this mask and WHY IN GOD'S NAME IS MY ATTENDING'S IPOD FULL OF ALISON KRAUSS I AM GOING TO CUT MY FUCKING EARS OFF RIGHT NOW!!!!"

Therefore, I will be switching into psychiatry as soon as I can get my away rotation fixed up AND get all my fourth year rotations changed around. It also means, of course, that I will need to rename this blog. I'm thinking about "tinyshrink.blogspot.com" but if anyone has any ideas, please put them in the comments, as I'm all ears.

I'm stressed about all the crap I have to do to get this switch done, but I'm happy with my decision. The procedures are cool, and usually I enjoy clinic, but the mindset is still surgery, and while I used to like that, something has changed. I no longer think I can put up with not eating all day and getting to work at 6 am (which is nicer than general surgery!) and not leaving till 7 pm and never sitting down. I think I could be a good urologist, but I'm not sure what would be left of me outside of the hospital. My husband would basically be a single parent for a large part of the week, and it's very important to me that I have a family and that they know what I look like. I haven't cooked a meal since starting this rotation, and I've only worked out once. No time + mental and physical fatigue = fat, lazy TS with a dirty apartment. This isn't who I want to be.

I'm gonna be a shrink!

PS- It's not easy to type a blog entry when a kitten keeps pouncing your laptop keyboard, erasing your pictures and generally being a pain in the ass. It's a good thing he's cute!