Quotes

Online friend to my husband: "Aren't you worried about your wife being around all those penises all day when she goes into urology?"

Husband to online friend: "No, because they're all broken."

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While walking back into the clinic carrying our McDonald's...

Me to med student at my FM clinic: "Hey, I actually found the cervix this morning during a Pap!"

Fellow med student: "The os usually looks like a donut to me."

Me: "Yeah, a lot of them do. This lady was 6 weeks postpartum, though."

Fellow med student: "Oh yeah, those always looks like smiles." (demonstrates a broad smile without teeth)

Me: "This one looked like a straight mouth, not a smile." (demonstrates a flat mouth)

Fellow med student: "It's so wrong that we're imitating the os with our faces."

In unison: "See, it looked like this!" (both purse lips to make a tiny hole)

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Me to patient: "Well, your test for Chlamydia [from last clinic visit] is positive, so we need to give you antibiotics."

Patient: "What about my pregnancy test [also from last clinic visit]?"

Me: "It's positive. Does that surprise you?"

Patient: "Not really. My last period was in November."

Me: "Well, congratulations, then."

Later...

Attending: "When did you stop taking your birth control pills?"

Patient: "November."

Attending to patient: "So your pregnancy test was positive? Do you feel pregnant?"

Patient: "No." (acts shocked)

A repeat UPT was also positive. The patient is 16 weeks pregnant. Apparently, missing periods for 4 months did not clue her in to the idea of a pregnancy; she thought it was because she'd quit taking her birth control pills that she missed her periods. In a way, she was right.

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Now, I'm going to go work on my fourth year scheduling, and try to make my stomach quit cramping up every time I look at the damn form. It looks like a freaking 1040, for god's sake. And I HATE taxes. It's a bad association to have.