Sunday, September 17, 2006

I'm sad

And when I'm sad, I want to withdraw. If my hubby didn't live here, I'd probably not even see him, unless he came over to see me. I was picturing my life if he'd stayed in DC, and I can't imagine that I'd be dating anyone, because when I get down I see everything in my life as down. I don't like writing when I'm down, because I like to be happy and funny in my writing, and I just can't do it right now.

My dad tried to call a little while ago, and I didn't hear the phone ring, but I didn't want to answer it. I feel so fatigued that everything takes effort, including picking up the phone. Answering the phone means sounding chipper and pretending that I feel fine and I don't have that kind of energy at the moment.

One of the things that I can always find joy in, no matter how I feel, is food. I'm not a thin depressed person; when I'm down I eat (more than normal, which is saying a lot). This morning, we kept our Sunday morning tradition of eating out for breakfast, and today I had huevos con nopalitos--eggs with cactus. It was incredibly tasty--I was surprised.

Sometimes I think I ought to turn this blog into a food review, since I talk about food so much (and eat so much of it), but that wouldn't work: I'm a "rut" eater. I have 1 or 2 dishes at each of my favorite restaurants that I can always count on, and I usually stick with those. So if you didn't want to hear about the cheese ravioli at Olive Garden, the chicken fajitas at Taco Cabana, the vegetable enchiladas at Mama Ninfa's, or the nugget 6-pack at Chick-fil-A, then my reviews would be useless.

I think I eat the same things over and over again for several reasons. 1, I know they're always good. 2, what if I ordered something that sucked? And here's the last, 3, life is too short not to eat what's good. I am really bad about delaying my gratification when it comes to food. Maybe it's because my career and school lives have totally been delayed gratification, so I need to indulge myself in something NOW. Maybe I just have ZERO willpower (well, definitely). For whatever reason, I cannot deny myself food if it's present. It's why I don't buy Double Stuf Oreos anymore--I can't stop myself from eating the whole damn package (and then groaning for hours with the stomachache).

Damn, now I want some Oreos.


Basia said...

when i go to chili's, i feel regret if i get something other then the chicken ceasar pita. delicious.

Allison said...

i ate an entire box of samoas yesterday.

i felt so guilty i actually worked out.

now my legs hurt. stupid cookies.