First Day

First off, I think everyone should read this post at Mothers in Medicine: "Cry". As a person who cries very easily, with pretty much every major emotion (happy/sad/mad), I can really relate to this post. I have come to see my teariness as just a part of me, not a weakness or a problem. It can be inconvenient, like when my patient died on ICU and after I'd done compressions and been relieved of duty, I found myself with nothing to distract me, so I ended up crying in the bathroom. And then rounding for the rest of the day with the pathognomonic red eyes and nose.

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Today was my first day as "Dr. TS." I actually answered a phone that way once, and I did not refer to myself as a med student all day (although I did look up when someone else said "Students?"). I totally freaked out when I wrote my first order in the computer; it popped up, I signed it electronically, and it showed up with MY name on it as provider. OMG!!!!!!! I turned bright red and announced to the room, "That was my first order!" I have hereby saved the world, people, because my first order was a referral to outpatient physical rehabilitation. WHOA!

Seriously, I flipped out.

A third year med student looked at me with envy. "I can't wait to do that! Is it awesome to wear a long white coat?"

I told him the truth: "It's scary as hell."

And I kept looking down at my legs all day, wondering what the hell was flapping against my shins?

It was totally bizarre, I must admit. Tomorrow night: First Call!

Good luck to all my fellow new interns, whether they've started already or are still waiting. We'll get to the good stuff eventually. For now, it's learning how to write Colace orders.